Wednesday, 26 June 2013
You're Tired!
I'm bored. To be honest, The Apprentice has always been a show I've loved, but this series has not been all that interesting. By far the best part of the evening has been Dara O'Briain's You're Fired sister show, and that hasn't been great either, despite O'Briain being one of my 3 favourite comedians, and an absolute master of ad-libbed comedy. I think it's just not a great set of candidates. I haven't found one to support yet, and honestly the only time I've really cared in the boardroom I've either been saying "No, not Winnie-the-Pooh!" or "Surely it must be Luisa's time now!" If you don't know who I nicknamed Winnie-the-Pooh, stop reading because you haven't been watching. Let's just say his entire luggage for an overnight trip seemed to be a teddy bear. In all seriousness, he was fired last week and I had to admt, much as I'll miss him as a shot of old-fashioned fun in a series full of harpies and gorillas, it was his time. Or, as I put it when he was fired: "He was never gonna win, but I want one!" He seems a genuinely lovely bloke, and I wish him every success. Especially because with him gone I'm left with Myles (OK but kinda slimy and I feel like he's hiding something) and Leah (surprisingly arrogant for someone with no business experience) as my favourites from the slim pickings at the banquet of arseholes (sorry about that!) The rest of them I can't stand. Also, THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME! Line up, ladies! Which of you is Francesca and which one is Leah? And you three will need to sort out for yourself who's Uzma, who's Natalie and who's Luisa. Not that it matters, I hate you all. I got the hang of who was Rebecca, Jaz and Sophie, but that doesn't matter because they all sucked.The guys are even worse. Jordan and Zeeshan are like the unsuccessful early results of human cloning, and Neil, Kurt and Tim could be brothers, which would be convenient because I'd only have to punch one set of parents. As for the other guys, there's no way Myles is 39, I can't say what I really think about Jason because it'd be like blowtorching a puppy; and Alex I can't even. In other news, does anyone know who Jordan is? Anyone?
Monday, 24 June 2013
Hell yes!
It really has been a pretty great series. Infighting and backbiting are always a key part of the series, but this series they've been pretty well controlled. The thing that has really impressed me has been the casting. For the first time in at least 4 years I feel like the vast majority have a real interest in the prize on offer, rather than just being attention-seekers. They've remembered that they should be filling the cast with chefs, and that's a positive. There were the obvious "personalities," the ones who're there just for their camera presence, but it's to the eternal credit of Chef Ramsay that they were dispatched with early on. From the comedian (Sebastian) to the genuinely mentally ill (Gina) to the deluded whiner (Danielle,) they were all sent packing in the first few weeks. Jessica was kind of a bitch, and kinda paranoid, but she was there to cook, and the tough-girl attitude's not a deal-breaker, or even that unusual, she just wasn't ready as a chef or as a person. She'll get there.
I think they tried to do some new stuff this season, and having Ramsay as executive producer can be both a help and a hindrance to the show. Holding off the elimination to the next show...been there. Bringing up someone to tell them to buck their ideas up...done it. Getting rid of a member of the winning team...bought the t-shirt. But, making chefs earn their jackets back.....hmm. Like it. Mind you, I have quite a British sensibility, and I'm not very high drama, so maybe more of the twists and turns, and less of the same-old same-old.
Now, we REALLY need to talk about the challenges. 12 team challenges, and the red team somehow won 10-2, with Ja'nel winning 11. Several of the challenges were won by a country mile, and very few felt like the product of luck. In fact, on the third challenge I felt Ramsay definitely tried to hand the men the win by pitting Mary against Dan in the running section. Ja'nel and Mary in particular really helped the red team to their wins, while Jon could have won multiple times had he had better backup in the team.
So now I'm gonna talk specifically about the black team, in ascending order of likelihood of winning.
5) Susan- It's not that I don't like Susan. It's just that....I don't really like Susan. No, seriously I just don't rate her much as a cook. She can't multitask very well, she's not all that creative and virtually every time she has tried to cook meat it has been abysmal. Mind you, she has been quite strong in leading the brigade when necessary, so if she can get to the semi-final she'll probably be a finalist. I just can't see her staying longer than any of the rest of the final 5.
4) Cyndi- She made absolutely no impression on me until the immunity challenge, and then she impressed Ramsay. That could be a good or a bad thing. I think she can cook, and she has a great finesse and ability to serve gorgeous food but I don't think she's the chef some of the others are.
3)Mary- I don't want to put Mary third, I love her. She's a really great chef, but I question her palate. Like Susan, she has led brigades well in the past. And once I'd got past hoping she NEVER EVER SPOKE AGAIN in Minnie Mouse's voice, I realised she is really adorable and kinda entertaining, if still a little irritating. And not pregnant, which is a positive thing.
2) Jon- Cool guy, really really good chef. I had to love "Hey mom, I'm on a chain gang!" And he genuinely has impressed at virtually every turn. He and Ja'nel made a perfect team in the last blue vs red episode, and there's a reason he's the last surviving guy. This may be the best season ever for girls, and he was the only guy strong enough to get through 17 episodes of that trainwreck of a blue team. In think in any of the last 3 or 4 seasons he would have been unstoppable.
But there is another. One who was manufactured solely to win Hell's Kitchen. She has no weakness. She has no failings. She has no human emotions. And her name is....
1) Ja'nel-O-Tron 3000 -Come ON people. Ja'nel has possibly come the closest of any chef ever in Hell's Kitchen to being flawless. Never nominated, never refused a point in a challenge, having won over 80% of them, and I don't even think I've heard her yelled at. Everyone from Ramsay to the competitors to me seems to think Ja'nel is the strongest. She's also laser-focused, but still pretty good on camera. She seems to be a likeable person, and she could so easily have got a huge head, but she seems to have maintained the same level of confidence all through the competition, while every other contestant.....pretty much ever in HK has gained or lost confidence and ended up over- or under-confident. I'd maybe compare her to Paula from Season 5, and since I loved Paula I love Ja'nel. She is a real inspiration to powerful and professional African-American women, who really don't have a great record on Hell's Kitchen (Tenille, Nilka, Coi, Nedra, Autumn, Elise, Jen and even Barbie were all either way too aggressive or bad cooks, although Coi and Barbie were actually OK.) I just wish, understandable as it was, she'd been less of a wuss about the last challenge, because until then she genuinely seemed robotic. Her palate is excellent, as proven in the meat identification challenge and the ubiquitous but important blind taste test. Oh, and by the way right from the start she slid into the role of quietly controlling the kitchen, eg in service 2 (episode 3) when she helped Mary and Danielle with risotto. Loudly declaring yourself in charge and throwing your weight around doesn't work, but doing it in a manipulative may makes you seem a puppetmaster, and Ramsay doesn't like that. She just naturally seemed to slip into the role, and she pulled it off perfectly. She really does seem to have all the skills she needs.
I have loved this series, and I think it has yielded a really strong final 5, where Mary and Jon are both deserving winners but Ja'nel is surely unstoppable. Almost such an obvious winner she can't win, but Christina won last year and I saw that coming from halfway, although I was happy about it.
In other news, Mary, when Gordon says fine chefs in the next service, he means alumni, not Michelin-star! HK has produced some amazing winners such as Heather, Danny,Dave, Holly and Christina, and I suspect that's what team black are facing. It certainly isn't some kind of iron-chef cabaret show. Girl, like I've said, love you, would totally take you for a beer, but at times you are so STUPID!
I think they tried to do some new stuff this season, and having Ramsay as executive producer can be both a help and a hindrance to the show. Holding off the elimination to the next show...been there. Bringing up someone to tell them to buck their ideas up...done it. Getting rid of a member of the winning team...bought the t-shirt. But, making chefs earn their jackets back.....hmm. Like it. Mind you, I have quite a British sensibility, and I'm not very high drama, so maybe more of the twists and turns, and less of the same-old same-old.
Now, we REALLY need to talk about the challenges. 12 team challenges, and the red team somehow won 10-2, with Ja'nel winning 11. Several of the challenges were won by a country mile, and very few felt like the product of luck. In fact, on the third challenge I felt Ramsay definitely tried to hand the men the win by pitting Mary against Dan in the running section. Ja'nel and Mary in particular really helped the red team to their wins, while Jon could have won multiple times had he had better backup in the team.
So now I'm gonna talk specifically about the black team, in ascending order of likelihood of winning.
5) Susan- It's not that I don't like Susan. It's just that....I don't really like Susan. No, seriously I just don't rate her much as a cook. She can't multitask very well, she's not all that creative and virtually every time she has tried to cook meat it has been abysmal. Mind you, she has been quite strong in leading the brigade when necessary, so if she can get to the semi-final she'll probably be a finalist. I just can't see her staying longer than any of the rest of the final 5.
4) Cyndi- She made absolutely no impression on me until the immunity challenge, and then she impressed Ramsay. That could be a good or a bad thing. I think she can cook, and she has a great finesse and ability to serve gorgeous food but I don't think she's the chef some of the others are.
3)Mary- I don't want to put Mary third, I love her. She's a really great chef, but I question her palate. Like Susan, she has led brigades well in the past. And once I'd got past hoping she NEVER EVER SPOKE AGAIN in Minnie Mouse's voice, I realised she is really adorable and kinda entertaining, if still a little irritating. And not pregnant, which is a positive thing.
2) Jon- Cool guy, really really good chef. I had to love "Hey mom, I'm on a chain gang!" And he genuinely has impressed at virtually every turn. He and Ja'nel made a perfect team in the last blue vs red episode, and there's a reason he's the last surviving guy. This may be the best season ever for girls, and he was the only guy strong enough to get through 17 episodes of that trainwreck of a blue team. In think in any of the last 3 or 4 seasons he would have been unstoppable.
But there is another. One who was manufactured solely to win Hell's Kitchen. She has no weakness. She has no failings. She has no human emotions. And her name is....
1) Ja'nel-O-Tron 3000 -Come ON people. Ja'nel has possibly come the closest of any chef ever in Hell's Kitchen to being flawless. Never nominated, never refused a point in a challenge, having won over 80% of them, and I don't even think I've heard her yelled at. Everyone from Ramsay to the competitors to me seems to think Ja'nel is the strongest. She's also laser-focused, but still pretty good on camera. She seems to be a likeable person, and she could so easily have got a huge head, but she seems to have maintained the same level of confidence all through the competition, while every other contestant.....pretty much ever in HK has gained or lost confidence and ended up over- or under-confident. I'd maybe compare her to Paula from Season 5, and since I loved Paula I love Ja'nel. She is a real inspiration to powerful and professional African-American women, who really don't have a great record on Hell's Kitchen (Tenille, Nilka, Coi, Nedra, Autumn, Elise, Jen and even Barbie were all either way too aggressive or bad cooks, although Coi and Barbie were actually OK.) I just wish, understandable as it was, she'd been less of a wuss about the last challenge, because until then she genuinely seemed robotic. Her palate is excellent, as proven in the meat identification challenge and the ubiquitous but important blind taste test. Oh, and by the way right from the start she slid into the role of quietly controlling the kitchen, eg in service 2 (episode 3) when she helped Mary and Danielle with risotto. Loudly declaring yourself in charge and throwing your weight around doesn't work, but doing it in a manipulative may makes you seem a puppetmaster, and Ramsay doesn't like that. She just naturally seemed to slip into the role, and she pulled it off perfectly. She really does seem to have all the skills she needs.
I have loved this series, and I think it has yielded a really strong final 5, where Mary and Jon are both deserving winners but Ja'nel is surely unstoppable. Almost such an obvious winner she can't win, but Christina won last year and I saw that coming from halfway, although I was happy about it.
In other news, Mary, when Gordon says fine chefs in the next service, he means alumni, not Michelin-star! HK has produced some amazing winners such as Heather, Danny,Dave, Holly and Christina, and I suspect that's what team black are facing. It certainly isn't some kind of iron-chef cabaret show. Girl, like I've said, love you, would totally take you for a beer, but at times you are so STUPID!
Sunday, 23 June 2013
Sorry!
The Hell's Kitchen post is proving tough. Hopefully tomorrow, along with a review of The Voice UK finale. Both will be full of praise, I can tell you that.
Project Runway
OK, I'm calling it. They're back to the trainwreck of Season 9. This cast seems to feature a lot of "characters," and worse, seems to be featuring a lot of the same characters. Let's run through them.
Alexander Pope (this post is very link-heavy. They all go to the appropriate section of the Mylifetime website, I promise)
Josh McKinley-Season 9/All Stars 2. Also, he looks really demonically possessed.
Alexandria von Bromssen
Sorry, can't do it, LOVE her. There's a bit of Uli Herzner(surely everyone knows Uli) in the northern Europe-sunny coast aesthetic, but Alexandria seems to be very true to her Scandinavian heritage, while Uli was very Miami. She seems nice enough, and she's offering a different viewpoint. I hope she can make the judges see things her way, and that she can adapt to the wild crap they'll throw at them. If she can, she could be a contender.
Angela Bacskocky
Maya Luz-Season 7. But that's by no means a bad thing. She cited leather as a material she loves. That is a bad thing, if she uses it a lot, or can't afford it, or isn't as strong as she thinks (see Olivier, season 9) or any number of other things goes wrong.
Bradon McDonald
He cited Patricia from last season. I'll go with that. Aesthetically he clearly loves doing unique things with fabric. He seems quite low-key and being Scottish I've gotta love that he's Irish.
Dom Streater
Maybe Terri Stevens(season 5) in the urban femininity of the work. But I'm not sure.
Helen Castillo
Sweet P(season 4/All star challenge/All Stars 1/enough already Sweet P, you're never gonna win) Easy. A romantic gypsy aesthetic and a biker-chick personal style.
Jeremy Brandrick
Take your pick of any number of gay stereotype designers. Kill me. And by the way, him being English doesn't entitle him to the same huzzahs that Bradon got. I love the Celts.
Edited to add: Your favourite ever past designer is Anya, dude. Really? If I were to name my favourite ever Project Runway winner, Anya would be lucky to finish 11th. And you want to instantly tie yourself to that scandal? Good idea, bro.
Justin LeBlanc
Another tough one. We've not really had someone who seems to be so.....country/western, so Florida everglades. I really like his aesthetic and couture sensibilities, even if it is kinda derivative. That black dress with the crossed straps and the spikes is gorgeous. April Johnston? I'm not sure. Actually, there's some Maya Luz there too. There's a lot of Maya there in the textures and volume, so much so that they could be her designs, an extension of her "fashism" design school collection. He's got to be one to watch.
Kahindo Mateene
Korto Momolu (season 5/All Stars challenge). Easy as pie. I wholeheartedly approve, too.
Karen Batts
I don't care who she reminds me of. Just get her out asap.
Ken Laurence
Mychael Knight (Season 3 fan favourite) Not because he's young and black, because they both seem to have a clear and similar aesthetic, they both seem quite low-key and hard-working and they're both (as far as I can see) great sewers. There's some really nice work but (again, like Mychael) a possible tendency to overthink and overwork designs.
Miranda Levy
It's Military Kenley! Hooray! No, I actually don't mind, she could make some nice work. She could also turn out some ugly-ass crap, as military-meets-retro is an unusual inspiration. I hope she's not as loud as Kenley. But I don't want to hate her yet.
Sandro Masmanidi
Ew! That is all.
Sue Waller
Maybe a bit of an Alicia Hardesty (season 10) vibe in that I find it hard to look past the hair (and hideous makeup, suggesting bad styling instincts) to see that there are some really chic designs there. Get it cut, then we'll talk.
Timothy Westbrook
Oh god. I've done drama school, I know this guy so well, and he really irritates me. He's wearing strappy high-heeled sandals! And look at how much he talks! Especially considering that nothing he says is even a little surprising. The clothes don't even look that interesting. I'll reserve judgement *snort* but I think I may hate him vehemently.
And the redemption contestants, aka failed All-Stars, I love the choices, especially Ramon and Valerie. They did all inexplicably fall flat on their faces after strong starts and deserve second chances. I'd love to have seen Maya Luz in there, but I think she's doing her thing and maturing, and I'm all in favour of that, although I'd love to see more work like this.
A lot of the guest judges' names mean nothing to me as a Brit, but Kaley Cuoco interests me. Will it be a red carpet challenge, with Cuoco's less-than-stellar red carpet record? Something for Penny on Big Bang theory? Or a country-themed challenge? I'm guessing red carpet, but Project Runway tends to be misleadingly left-field with that sort of thing, eg Kim Kardashian and stiltwalkers. We'll have to see.
Who do you like or hate? And who's coming back? Comment and tell me your views.
Alexander Pope (this post is very link-heavy. They all go to the appropriate section of the Mylifetime website, I promise)
Josh McKinley-Season 9/All Stars 2. Also, he looks really demonically possessed.
Alexandria von Bromssen
Sorry, can't do it, LOVE her. There's a bit of Uli Herzner(surely everyone knows Uli) in the northern Europe-sunny coast aesthetic, but Alexandria seems to be very true to her Scandinavian heritage, while Uli was very Miami. She seems nice enough, and she's offering a different viewpoint. I hope she can make the judges see things her way, and that she can adapt to the wild crap they'll throw at them. If she can, she could be a contender.
Angela Bacskocky
Maya Luz-Season 7. But that's by no means a bad thing. She cited leather as a material she loves. That is a bad thing, if she uses it a lot, or can't afford it, or isn't as strong as she thinks (see Olivier, season 9) or any number of other things goes wrong.
Bradon McDonald
He cited Patricia from last season. I'll go with that. Aesthetically he clearly loves doing unique things with fabric. He seems quite low-key and being Scottish I've gotta love that he's Irish.
Dom Streater
Maybe Terri Stevens(season 5) in the urban femininity of the work. But I'm not sure.
Helen Castillo
Sweet P(season 4/All star challenge/All Stars 1/enough already Sweet P, you're never gonna win) Easy. A romantic gypsy aesthetic and a biker-chick personal style.
Jeremy Brandrick
Take your pick of any number of gay stereotype designers. Kill me. And by the way, him being English doesn't entitle him to the same huzzahs that Bradon got. I love the Celts.
Edited to add: Your favourite ever past designer is Anya, dude. Really? If I were to name my favourite ever Project Runway winner, Anya would be lucky to finish 11th. And you want to instantly tie yourself to that scandal? Good idea, bro.
Justin LeBlanc
Another tough one. We've not really had someone who seems to be so.....country/western, so Florida everglades. I really like his aesthetic and couture sensibilities, even if it is kinda derivative. That black dress with the crossed straps and the spikes is gorgeous. April Johnston? I'm not sure. Actually, there's some Maya Luz there too. There's a lot of Maya there in the textures and volume, so much so that they could be her designs, an extension of her "fashism" design school collection. He's got to be one to watch.
Kahindo Mateene
Korto Momolu (season 5/All Stars challenge). Easy as pie. I wholeheartedly approve, too.
Karen Batts
I don't care who she reminds me of. Just get her out asap.
Ken Laurence
Mychael Knight (Season 3 fan favourite) Not because he's young and black, because they both seem to have a clear and similar aesthetic, they both seem quite low-key and hard-working and they're both (as far as I can see) great sewers. There's some really nice work but (again, like Mychael) a possible tendency to overthink and overwork designs.
Miranda Levy
It's Military Kenley! Hooray! No, I actually don't mind, she could make some nice work. She could also turn out some ugly-ass crap, as military-meets-retro is an unusual inspiration. I hope she's not as loud as Kenley. But I don't want to hate her yet.
Sandro Masmanidi
Ew! That is all.
Sue Waller
Maybe a bit of an Alicia Hardesty (season 10) vibe in that I find it hard to look past the hair (and hideous makeup, suggesting bad styling instincts) to see that there are some really chic designs there. Get it cut, then we'll talk.
Timothy Westbrook
Oh god. I've done drama school, I know this guy so well, and he really irritates me. He's wearing strappy high-heeled sandals! And look at how much he talks! Especially considering that nothing he says is even a little surprising. The clothes don't even look that interesting. I'll reserve judgement *snort* but I think I may hate him vehemently.
And the redemption contestants, aka failed All-Stars, I love the choices, especially Ramon and Valerie. They did all inexplicably fall flat on their faces after strong starts and deserve second chances. I'd love to have seen Maya Luz in there, but I think she's doing her thing and maturing, and I'm all in favour of that, although I'd love to see more work like this.
A lot of the guest judges' names mean nothing to me as a Brit, but Kaley Cuoco interests me. Will it be a red carpet challenge, with Cuoco's less-than-stellar red carpet record? Something for Penny on Big Bang theory? Or a country-themed challenge? I'm guessing red carpet, but Project Runway tends to be misleadingly left-field with that sort of thing, eg Kim Kardashian and stiltwalkers. We'll have to see.
Who do you like or hate? And who's coming back? Comment and tell me your views.
Thursday, 20 June 2013
There is no escape!
OK, here's what I'll be blogging...
Yes
Hell's Kitchen (starting in 12 hours with a piece on the series so far, and on the top 5-Susan will be out by then, maybe I'll talk about that)
Project Runway
The Apprentice UK
The Voice UK
Other random rubbish that's interested me from British TV
Probably, when they're back on TV
Strictly Come Dancing
Britain's Got Talent
Great British Bake Off
I might do I'm A Celebrity but I doubt it, and X Factor will have to impress me intensely to get me to even watch it after an entire series full of disappointment and irritation.
OK, I'm in Britain, so most of it will be British TV, but I get Hell's Kitchen on Youtube Friday mornings thanks to conscientious streamers. I'm up to date on that, and I've got a retrospective coming up about what has been a really great series. Other than that I just watch British TV.
Yes
Hell's Kitchen (starting in 12 hours with a piece on the series so far, and on the top 5-Susan will be out by then, maybe I'll talk about that)
Project Runway
The Apprentice UK
The Voice UK
Other random rubbish that's interested me from British TV
Probably, when they're back on TV
Strictly Come Dancing
Britain's Got Talent
Great British Bake Off
I might do I'm A Celebrity but I doubt it, and X Factor will have to impress me intensely to get me to even watch it after an entire series full of disappointment and irritation.
OK, I'm in Britain, so most of it will be British TV, but I get Hell's Kitchen on Youtube Friday mornings thanks to conscientious streamers. I'm up to date on that, and I've got a retrospective coming up about what has been a really great series. Other than that I just watch British TV.
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